Everything I Am Is Him
by hma1010
Summary: Kurt thinks Blaine is late, but when he comes home, he's hurt…badly. Mentions for assault and rape.


**A/N- Sooo…this is something that began as a different story but morphed…I hope you enjoy it, though. Please let me know, good or bad, what you think!**

**This is a story about assault and rape, though not graphic, still may have possible triggers.**

**-I own nothing from Glee**

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Kurt angrily tapped his foot. He paused for a moment to look at the clock over the oven: 2:45 am. A glance down at his phone still showed no signs of Blaine. They had left each other after combat class. Blaine had GenEd history and Kurt had a shift at the diner, so they agreed to just meet back at the loft after. Now that their friends all seemed to have gone their separate ways, the fiancés liked to spend nights together, either relaxing or going out depended on the night. They still took time to spend apart, having learned that lesson early on, but time together, especially in silence, was something they both cherished.

Kurt had gotten home at a little after 11pm, dead on his feet from work, but looking forward to spending a little time with Blaine now that it was Friday and neither had any commitments for the following day. When he arrived, it quickly became clear that Blaine was not home. Multiple calls to his phone proved pointless, and no texts were ever read on Blaine's part.

What was mostly fueling the anger that was coursing through his veins was the anxiety that he felt. He knew first hand how cruel the streets of New York could be, and he would be sure to absolutely _kill_ Blaine when he returned from whatever movie he was seeing or bar he was at, for making him panic.

Kurt's thoughts were cut off when the door to the loft was slowly slid open.

"Do you have any idea how worried I…" Kurt's sentence was cut off when Blaine came in to view.

Blaine limped through the door quickly and shut it before backing into it. He stared down at the ground and didn't acknowledge Kurt.

"Blaine?" Kurt took a tentative step, but with no answer he quickly moved towards his boyfriend; his boyfriend who had blood all over his face and neck, his hands were pressed flat against the door, covered in blood as well.

Kurt reached him and noticed how badly Blaine's body was shaking, how quickly his breath was coming.

"What happened?" Kurt went to place a hand on Blaine's shoulder, but he flinched away. The reaction startled Kurt and he pulled his hand away quickly, the movement seeming to grab Blaine's attention and he looked straight into Kurt's eyes.

They stood there silently, staring at each other for a few moments. Kurt noticed a cut above Blaine's left eyebrow, skin that had been ripped along his cheek, as though it came in contact with the sidewalk, that his lip was bloody and swollen, and that there was red bruising, not only all over his face, but also along his neck.

"Blaine?" Kurt whispered.

It seemed that that was all Blaine needed to completely fall apart. Kurt found himself with a sobbing Blaine thrown into his arms. It was hard to tell what was making him shake more, the crying or the apparent fear.

It took twenty minutes for Blaine to stop sobbing so hard so that he could talk, and when he finally did, only one sentiment came out of his mouth on repeat.

"I'm sorry….Kurt, I'm sorry! I'm so, sorry, I didn't mean to; please, you have to believe me!"

Kurt was in full panic mode now; Blaine was becoming incoherent and was beginning to cry again. As gently as possible, he began to walk Blaine towards their bed, reassuring him as they went that it was ok, that he was ok; though it felt like the furthest thing from the truth.

Kurt gently sat Blaine on the bed, and apologized when he hissed in pain when he was fully seated. Kurt pulled him into a tight hug, "It's ok, honey, everything will be fine. I need you to calm down for me so that you don't make yourself sick, ok?"

In total, it took over an hour for Blaine to calm enough that Kurt could even begin to think of getting him cleaned up.

He came back from the bathroom to find Blaine in the same spot he left him in. He placed the change of clothes he had grabbed next to his boyfriend, and then took the damp rag and began to clean up the cuts on Blaine's face.

"The one above your eyebrow may need stitches." He commented quietly, Blaine didn't answer. When he had done the best he could, he took in Blaine's clothes. His shirt was rumpled and ripped and there were buttons missing. His pants, which were his favorite yellow jeans, were dirty. His hands shook a little as he began to take off Blaine's shirt. At first, he tightened his arms so that the shirt would not budge.

"Blaine?"

He didn't look up or respond, but when Kurt began to open the few buttons that were still there, Blaine did not protest again. His nerves only worsened when he realized Blaine's undershirt was no longer on, and his breath caught when he saw Blaine's chest.

Under his shirt hid an array of red bruising that would only darken with time. They were everywhere, and tears pricked Kurt's eyes and began to fall when he saw Blaine's back and the deep bruising on his shoulder blades with little bruising on his shoulders…hand prints, Kurt's mind supplied him with; Blaine was held down on his stomach.

He gently pulled Blaine to a standing position so that he could remove his pants, knowing there would be more marks there. When he reached for the button, Blaine's breath stuttered and he flinched back slightly.

Kurt stopped and placed a hand on each side of Blaine's face, trying to make eye contact with him but failing to do so as Blaine would not look up at him, "Shh, you're ok. Everything is ok now, I just need to make sure you're not hurt, ok?" He waited a moment for Blaine to protest, but when he didn't, Kurt took one of his hands and gently kissed his palm, "You're safe now, Blaine. I'm going to keep you safe."

He undid Blaine's pants and gently removed them, wincing every time Blaine whimpered in pain.

When the pants were gone, Kurt began surveying the damage, his knees were cut up, the left one was needing medical attention for what looked like glass in it. There was minimal bruising on the front of his legs, though the back was a different story. Kurt gasped when he noticed the handprint shaped bruising beginning on the back of his hips and wrapping around towards the front. He tried to hold off a sob, even further, when he realizes there is dried blood on Blaine's boxer briefs; dried blood on the backs of his legs.

"Who did this to you?" He asks, much more calmly than he feels as he pulls down Blaine's underwear and has to stop himself from touching him where he is the most bruised.

Kurt doesn't expect Blaine to answer, he's been standing there with violent shakes racking through his body, but he has not said anything since he apologized to Kurt, and oh God, he was apologizing for _this_. Kurt has to detach himself from the moment, has to back away from what the bruising and the marks and the blood is telling him, so that he can be calm for Blaine.

He dresses Blaine in new briefs, soft bottoms, and a t-shirt that makes him hiss in pain when he lifts his arms. He knows he can't clean up and help his fiancé, though that's all he wants to do. He wants to wrap him up in one hundred blankets and hold him until things are ok; until he is safe and this never happened. That's not what is going to happen, though.

He grabs a Macy's bag sitting near the bed and dumps the clothes in it on the floor, heedless of the new clothes he stress bought the day before. He quickly tosses the clothes Blaine was wearing in and uses an app on his phone to call a cab.

When Kurt wraps an arm around Blaine's shoulders to guide him out of the apartment, he's surprised that Blaine sinks into his side and hides his head in Kurt's neck. The shaking hasn't stopped and Kurt can only think that his boyfriend has gone into shock.

They make it to the hospital with no incident, and everything feels like a blur to Kurt. Blaine is there with him, physically, but he does not respond to anyone. The doctors confirm that he is in shock, but to see his generally animated fiancé completely catatonic is terrifying and Kurt feels guilty wishing Blaine was more aware so he didn't have to go through the experience alone.

Kurt stays with him the whole time. There are pictures, it feels like thousands of pictures, and though the physical exam causes Blaine to react from hissing to crying out in pain, he does not answer any question he is asked; seems as though he is not even in his body.

In the end, Blaine needs seven stitches above his eyebrow, none in his knee (though there was glass embedded there), and three in a cut on the inside of his lip that Kurt did not notice. The worst damage is found during the internal portion of the rape kit. Not only are there tears, but twelve stitches are needed; not only is it confirmed that Blaine was raped, but three different samples of semen is found. Kurt cries as the horrendous news piles up. He squeezes Blaine's mostly limp hand and hates himself for having been so angry at his boyfriend for being late, when he was actually being hurt so very badly; when Kurt wasn't stopping it…wasn't protecting him.

The doctors admit him, not comfortable letting him go home while he is still unresponsive. They say they'll call the police when Blaine begins to come to and can answer their questions. Kurt is not asked to leave, so he stays by Blaine's side and holds his hand.

It is almost dawn when Blaine's dissociation seems to pass. Kurt's eyes are closed, he'd been drifting in and out of uncomfortable sleep for some time, when he's startled by Blaine's intake of breath.

When he looks up, Blaine's looking at him and his eyes are filled with tears and with the first blink, it seems that the dam breaks.

"Oh my God, Kurt, oh my God. I…I couldn't…I'm sorry!" He hiccups as he sobs and he can't seem to hold in everything that he had been shutting out for hours.

Kurt eases his way onto the bed and pulls Blaine into him, "There's nothing to be sorry for, you did nothing wrong. You're going to be ok, I'll make sure you're ok." He rocks him back and forth softly.

Blaine continues to cry; continues to apologize, his words becoming more and more erratic and spaced as his breathing picks up in panic. When he begins to hyperventilate, Kurt presses the help call button and cries to himself as the nurse gives him a sedative and he watches his fiancé fall in a medicine induced sleep, tears still dripping from his eyes.

Kurt allows himself some time to cry again, to shed tears for the pain Blaine couldn't even begin to express yet. He cries because he knew this would change everything for Blaine, for him, and for their idea of safety, their idea of New York. He cries because Blaine is the sweetest person he knows, and he cries because he doesn't know how he'll even begin to help him get through this.

When Blaine begins to stir some time later, though, Kurt stops the tears. He knows that if he isn't strong, Blaine will fall apart. He stops crying because it is his turn to hold his fiancé up. He takes the role because that's what they do, they balance each other out so that they can remain standing. And as Blaine's eyes begin to flutter open, Kurt takes a deep breath and readies himself to the best of his ability. It is all he can do.

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**Thank you for reading! Please review!**


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